Argh! Sometimes you’re so frustrated and angry that you just want to…BREAK SOMETHING!
Well, there’s a Power Pencil for just that occasion.
The Pencil of Wrath is the perfect pencil for when you’re stressed and perturbed beyond belief. Instead of punching a pillow or sibling, grab this pencil and crack it in two. There’s powerful magic deep within the pencil. Breaking the pencil releases the magic. The magic washes over your body and your life, and suddenly…everything is better. [cue choir of angels]
The magic in the pencil is strange and reacts differently to different people. Some say that breaking the Pencil of Wrath gave them super-strength. Others say it granted them the power of invisibility. Some might gain the ability to read minds, and some may travel through time. What we do know is that breaking the pencil during times of strife will make your problems go away. After breaking the pencil, everything will be more wonderful by at least 77%!
Now the bad news: First, the pencil can only be broken once, so you should save it for the special moment when you’re angriest (probably during winter). Or, you could just buy a whole mess of Wrath pencils and then you’ll be set for life. Second, the magic only lasts for a few days, so use it wisely. And third, the broken pencil fragments are dangerous…so please be careful. No eating, chewing, or stabbing.
The Pencil of Wrath comes with an illustrated instruction book that explains how it works. Read the instructions carefully. Again, this is a potentially dangerous product. It is not recommended for children, or anyone who wonders what splinters taste like.
Now the good news: You can buy the Pencil of Wrath for just $5!
Now the best news: It’s magical!
You can also sign up for the Power Pencil Subscription Club! Sign up during the month of September and your first pencil will be the Pencil of Wrath. And then you’ll get a brand new Power Pencil every month! Subscribers will receive their Power Pencil before everyone else, and they get the pencil cheaper too! And not to ruin the surprise, but we have crazy, interesting things planned for the next few months.
Enchant your words!